What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
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