here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
