im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Randomize
