An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
