All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Randomize
