after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
