Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize