I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
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