It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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