It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
