Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize