Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize