he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
