Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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