Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I yelled at your uterus for you.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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