I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
