It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
