dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
