pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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