i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
love makes seman taste better
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
