So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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