Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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