I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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