What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
