He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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