Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
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