Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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