Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
