guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
