you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
