Your tits are I can't wait for
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
