every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Randomize
