She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
