I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
