Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Randomize
