Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Randomize
