So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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