once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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