im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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