Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
im holly from the hills drunk
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
