I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
