i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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