I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I lost the right to judge tonight
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
