I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
