i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
