i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
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