you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
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