ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
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