also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
All I want is dick and wine.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
