As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
