wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
