He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Send help, water and tortillas.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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