Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Randomize
