Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
home. puking in laundry basket.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
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