ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Randomize
