Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
that may or may not have been my penis.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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