If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Randomize
