Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Randomize
