So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
