In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Randomize
