I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
