she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
