areolas are like halos for boobs.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
