my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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