If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Randomize
