i may or may not be watching the land before time
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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