Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Randomize
