omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
The struggles of a small town man whore
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
