His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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