why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
