he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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