I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Randomize
