Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
