k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
