Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Randomize
