where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
