why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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