tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
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