i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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