I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
