Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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