I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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