did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
