Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
