I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
The ass gains better be worth it
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