Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
