I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
you didnt know i had herpes?
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
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