yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
