There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
