So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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