yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
