i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
