the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
He felt like a one man threesome
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
