wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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