i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
