So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Im part way to drunk.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
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