Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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