Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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