i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Randomize
