Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
