In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
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