you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
