don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize
