Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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