you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
