Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
