I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
