so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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