HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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