so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
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