yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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