The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Randomize
