so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Randomize
