I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
