it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
