So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize