Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
