so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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