Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
